I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
