i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize