she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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