I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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