weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When are your genitals available?
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