I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
