fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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