my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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