captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You were trust falling into bushes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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