dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
