Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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