I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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