I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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