My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
