who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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