Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
