lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
