farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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