Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
