im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
