Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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