Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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