sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
