Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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