Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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