Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
