so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he fucked my hip out of place.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
