I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
