I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
