well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
