apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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