Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
