Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
