It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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