I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
