I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
