if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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