I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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