evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
