Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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