He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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