Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
