if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
