no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
