hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
