Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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