you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
