No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
