had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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