god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
