it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You have to summon your inner elephant
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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