So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The uberlube is also flammable
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
