shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
