Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
