i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
