I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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