there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
