New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
