i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
