i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
