i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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