I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
