Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
