They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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