So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
