Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
