Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
