Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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