your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
