woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
