OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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